Laws of Cupid
by EvilDementedBunny
Summary: Sasuke scowled grimly, he was a first class angel for God's sake. He was supposed to be guarding some prime ministers or maybe a few princes. Not playing cupid to a high school girl and a completely blind dobe.


**Title:** Laws of Cupid

**Rating:** T for language (Sasuke has quite the vocabulary), themes, and innuendos

**Summary:** Sasuke scowled grimly as he roughly pushed a pale hair through his ebony locks. He was a first class angel for God's sake. He was supposed to be guarding some prime ministers or maybe a few princes. Not playing cupid to a high school girl and a completely blind dobe.

**Disclaimer:** According to Wikipedia, I do not own Naruto. Darn.

**Warning:** An insanely large amount of fluff. Please be aware.

**A/N:** I just wanted to try something a bit more light hearted then "Precipice", which then somehow ended up escalating to being this. I have no excuse for this whatsoever. But do enjoy! Oh, and yes, it's an AU.

* * *

**I'm no Cupid! ~**

To put the nature of his mood into words would result in nothing but understatements. Because, yes… Sasuke Uchiha was _pissed off_, he was angry, frustrated, annoyed, and every other word that signified irritation in the damn dictionary.

"What ".

"The".

" Hell?"

Sasuke made sure to punctuate every last word by gritting his teeth loudly. Curling his fingers into a tight fist, he forced his hands into his pocket as he reminded himself that it wouldn't be right for him to break _another_ table. So soon anyway. The last time he did, and he tensed as he remembered, the Hokage (**A/N** * 1) had cruelly punished him by giving him twenty D-ranked missions (**A/N** *2). Twenty. And they were all fucking the same. He could swear that if that damn cat ever got lost again- he would make sure that next time, it would be lost permanently. Breathing out a deep breath, he could feel his right eye beginning to twitch irritably as he registered the words.

"_I want you to take over a charge". _

At 17, Sasuke was the youngest, as well as the most advanced -not to mention attractive or devilishly handsome as many would put- angel of his graduating class. Despite being of only a Genin rank (**A/N** * 3), otherwise known as a rookie angel, his skills and capabilities ensured that his missions were all of top priorities, priorities well above those of his peers who mostly toiled away at meaningless tasks like producing rain, harvesting fruits, or finding lost pets. The latter was most likely the most useless and most annoying of all tasks. Yet nearly every rookie had to go through the damn cat mission once in their career. Some, who were far less fortunate, had undergone it multiple times. One would think that by the 1027th time the cat ran off, and yes Sasuke was keeping count, the lady would put the stupid damn thing on a leash. But no, she just had to make things difficult and cuddle that thing till it ran away and forced some other poor angel into retrieve it.

Luckily for Sasuke, he had bigger priorities to fulfill and his high level of competence -which sadly could not be said for many others- allowed him special privileges that other Genins could not hope to have. Though unfortunately, his skills had not ensured that he could escape the Hokage's wrath at times. The Hokage was difficult to handle when he was amused, but when angered, most angels knew better than cross him. But Sasuke was no typical angel. And the Hokage had made sure to reward him for his imprudence by assigning him the tasks he hated the most. He had done a fair share of those 1027 retrieval missions.

But even the Hokage acknowledged his abilities and made sure that most of his assignments were at least B-ranked if not higher. Sometimes he was given special missions to guard some important figures in the human world, like the prime minister or the president on days when their luck was particularly bad and the other angels could not ward off the threat by themselves (Not to brag, but if it wasn't for him, the world government would have been in shambles by now). Mostly though, his missions involved in tracking _them _(**A/N***4_)_.

But before he could continue his assignment, the Hokage had called him from out of nowhere, and asked him, _more like fucking demanded_, he amended as an afterthought, that he was to accept a new task. Normally, this would have been enough to send him over the edge, but after hearing about his assignment, Sasuke was surprised he had yet to actually demolish any furniture at all.

Though, he couldn't think of any possible worse assignment the Hokage could punish him with if he did. Mentally, he wondered if he had done anything improper at all during the past few weeks that could've incited the Hokage's wrath to such an extent. Sure he destroyed a few buildings, maybe demolished a few trees here and there, and placed a gaping hole in the middle of the Sahara (but in his defense, he was fighting with the demons, and it was only natural to have holes). But even so, that wasn't bad enough for him to warrant this.

Taking on a charge was almost as bad as finding that stupid cat.

Smiling, "This isn't so bad", the Hokage ensured him almost as if he read his mind. Sasuke opened his mouth to counter but the Hokage cut him off, "you've taken charges before."

Scowling, Sasuke rebutted with a huff, "Yeah, but for only a day or so." He could never stand guarding a human for more than two days. Their antics always managed to irritate him. They were lucky that he was just damn too good at his job to actually let them die. Not that this stopped him from created a few cracks for them to trip over once… or twice.

"Well, then think of this as just a prolonged mission but like the ones before". _How the hell could it be like the ones before if it was prolonged? _Sasuke had half a mind to actually _try_ to break one of the Hokage's furniture just to see if he would get mad enough to change his assignment. Surely, nothing could be as bad as this.

"What about _them_?" He couldn't help but add bitterly. He was so fucking close.

The Hokage shot him a small apologetic look that Sasuke immediately tensed at and commented slyly, "You will resume that assignment after you finish this one".

"This better not take long". He hoped that the Hokage could hear the underline of threat beneath his voice. Not that he actually thought that the Hokage would be fazed by it. He just wanted the old man to know that even though he was taking this damn assignment, it didn't mean he was going off happily.

Unperturbed, the old man merely folded his hands in front of him as he leaned over the heavily cluttered desk and handed Sasuke the files.

"You should be happy, it's S-ranked". Sasuke narrowed his eyes as the old man's lips twitched. He was amused, and whenever he was amused, it was a sure sign that Sasuke would not be.

Tightening his grip on the seemingly innocent cream colored file, he clenched his jaw in agitation and fought off the desire to stamp his foot in frustration. _This better be the damn pope or something._

With unconcealed impatience, he tore open the front cover as his eyes widened at his new mission. He was wrong, this was much, much worse.

He scowled as he pushed back his bangs and skimmed over the offending pieces of paper. The lines of his lips flickered down as read through the first few sentences.

_Angel: Sasuke Uchiha_

_Level: S-ranked_

_Charge: Hinata Hyuuga_

Once again, he made sure to emphasize his confusion, "What the hell _is_ this?"

He was sure that the pope was not someone named Hinata.

"This is your assignment". Sasuke could swear that he heard the old man chuckle silently to himself. If it wasn't for the fact that this man was his superior, and _the _Hokage, he had all the mind in the world to knock the sly smile of his face.

Instead he settled for giving him a deadly glare which the old man responded with a grin. His white hair peeked like tufts of grass beneath his large white hat, and as he leaned his face down, it covered the upper portion of his face, making it almost unreadable. But Sasuke knew the old man well enough to know that he was smirking. And probably from ear to ear at that.

"W-what?"

His superior flashed him an amused smile. Sasuke almost shuddered as he could practically feel the twinkle in his eyes. But he was Sasuke, and Sasuke did not _shudder_. "You heard me. This is your assignment".

Sasuke couldn't control the steel edge that laced his tone, as well as the hope that maybe, just maybe, this was just another cruel joke the Hokage decided to play on him. "There has got to be some mistake!"

"No, I assure you, this is completely and perfectly true. I assigned you to her myself." He said the last part with a tone filled with pride.

"But, why her?"

"Because she needs your help".

Sasuke sneered as dug his fists away from the furniture, "I doubt that _my_ skills are required for this".

"Oh, I think you'll be surprised at what you're capable of". The Hokage replied, a smile apparent in his eyes as pulled the hat lower. Swiveling his chair towards the left corner of the room, he snapped twice and signaled for Sasuke to face him.

Sasuke bit back a sarcastic scoff, and turned to screen that appeared off to the side of the room. As the light hazily flickered off and on, the image sharpened to show a perfect aerial view of earth. Sasuke stared gloomily at the screen as he followed the familiar process of searching for his charge. The Hokage was a secret sadistic torturer who hated him. He was sure of it.

After a few brief moments, the screen focused on an image of a young running girl. She was breathing heavily, almost gasping for air as her midnight blue hair trailed behind her like a curtain of blue silk. He noted her disheveled appearance, and mussed hair, _late_, he suspected. The girl was small, petite, and somewhere in the back of his subconscious, his mind also supplied: dainty. In the background of her footsteps he could hear the felt ringing of bells. _Well, she's definitely late._

The chiming also forces the realization of her tardiness on her and he could see her face scrunched up in worry as she quickened her pace and…fell. He mentally stopped himself from sighing with great effort. _Just my luck. A klutz._

Turning his attention back to the Hokage, Sasuke gritted his teeth and barked out angrily, "You want that as my charge?"

Frowning, the Hokage chided him good naturedly, "No, not _that_, the girl has a name, Sasuke". Sasuke rolled his eyes and jerked his face back to the screen. It flickered again, flashing through several scenes of the sky, the girl running, and falling-again (this time he could not hold back a slight muffled groan), before settling to large ornate building, with the words _Konoha High School_ fancifully embossed in gold across the grand slabs of marble. It was no doubt a school for the more privileged kids. _Damn it, she's probably a brat then too._ Sasuke could almost hear the blood vessels imploding in his upper right temple; surely, he could go retrieve the cat again. The old hag must have lost it by now! _Might as well make it number 1028_, he bitterly seethed. Hearing a small, poorly disguised chuckle, Sasuke jumped from his reverie and glared at the owner of the offending noise. The Hokage amusedly waved his hand and coughed, tilting his head towards the glowing screen where the school still towered like a slumbering white giant. This must have been where she was running to, and Sasuke nodded as the screen flickered to show the petite, clumsy charge of his running desperately through the front gilded gates and almost-too green, freshly mowed lawns. She flew across the front garden with dizzying speed, almost colliding with the giant statue of a broad man with wild unkempt hair and a …toad –Sasuke sighed again and concluded that humans were strange creatures indeed-, and sped to the large entrance and its oaken doors.

Sasuke turned to the Hokage with one perfect brow raised. So far all he could tell was that the girl was clumsy, small, tardy, and mostly likely spoiled as hell. He still had no –zilch, nada, none, zero– idea why this was even a mission at all. Sure the girl was clumsy, and he pitied whatever ground she collided with, but a few scrapes and bruises weren't going to kill her. And it wasn't as if she was some overly glorious creature that needed protection. This could not possibly be a mission (he internally screeched) and even if it was, certainly not high level enough to be s-classed.

The Hokage returned with his own upraised brow and ran his fingers through his beard. "Just wait, Sasuke". Sasuke was about to snort in contempt before the Hokage continued, mockingly, "You could learn a thing or two about patience".

Feeling his eye twitched in annoyance again, Sasuke wondered if it was possible for angels to even get aneurisms.

The sound of a bell brought his attention back once more to the screen and this time, it flickered to the girl who was sitting, almost demurely with legs tucked neatly underneath her, behind the shade of a large oak tree along side with two males who were wearing the same school uniform. They were her classmates, he presumed. The girl, _Hinata,_ he absently remembered her name, was smiling sheepishly; her face enflamed by the brightest shade of red he had ever encountered. She had her hands in front of her, the index fingers slightly touching as she shifted her eyes nervously away from the two guys who situated themselves at her side. Though clearly embarrassed, she didn't seem as if she minded their company, so Sasuke could cautiously confirm that they were more or less friends. She opened her lips and spoke a few words, too softly for Sasuke to discern, but whatever she said had immediately made her two friends turn to each other with curious, if not mischievous glances. The boy to her right was grinning widely now, his lips stretched across his face, dimpling his tattooed cheeks and showing large white canines. Sasuke took a moment to note the rather interesting triangular marks on his face, before scoffing and settling the observation to his (already extremely long) list of "things-that-proved-why-humans-are-exceedingly-strange". He could practically write a book with all of his evidence.

Hinata seemed to bristle at his grin, and gave the boy a small pout. Instead of dissolving his mirth, her pout only made him burst out in laughter and he rolled to the ground, chest heaving with unshed chuckles. Then, settling himself upright, he ruffled his brown hair –mane Sasuke amended – and smirked to his companion who looked almost apathetic to the girl's discomfort and the boy's enthusiastic prodding. "So that's why you were late!" he huffs for a moment before he doubled over in laughter again, as Sasuke observed Hinata's deepening flush. The boy to her left chuckled good naturedly; his sunglasses glinting as it caught the filtered light beneath the dancing shadows of the limbs and boughs of the aged tree. With a hand entangled in her waist-length hair, Hinata turned away from her friends, twirling absentmindedly as she puffed her cheeks out childishly. It seemed she was still embarrassed by the way the blush seemed to linger along her skin. It looked… _cute_ against her ivory complexion Sasuke thought and mentally appreciated the way her lavender, almost milky pearl like eyes glinted in joy as she stuck her pink tongue out at the brown haired boy when he barked a particularly loud laugh.

Hn.

_Cute._

Sasuke skidded to a stopped- metaphorically of course. And he retraced his thought. He hadn't even begun the mission, and it was already giving him mental problems. He wanted to hit his face against a solid object and groan. Preferably the Hokage's desk. Or wall. Or screen. At least then, maybe the old man would pity him and send him to retrieve the cat again! Hearing another bout of muffled laughter, Sasuke confirmed his suspicion. The old man was indeed a sadistic psycho hell bent on giving him every single possible torture legally allowed.

"So I have to guard her?" Sasuke sniped while glaring with clenched teeth at the Hokage. The old man titled his head to the side, proud that his little rookie angel had somehow managed to keep most of the contempt out of his voice.

"Not…exactly…" The Hokage shrugged at Sasuke's questioning glance and merely lifted the corners of his lips in a small unguarded smirk.

Sasuke raised another perfect brow at this. Scratch that, this type of torture shouldn't even be legal! Breathing a deep, deep calming (which like hell didn't work) breath, he wondered absently if it was strange to have the urge to strangle the Hokage.

He brought a hand to his temple, and pinching the bridge of his nose, he muttered broodingly, "Then what's exactly my mission?" Please tell me this is all a joke. A damn fucking joke! He silently prayed and fought back every single instinct to tear another hole in the immaculate office.

Chuckling, the Hokage gave Sasuke an unsympathetic look and commanded with poorly disguised mirth as he turned to the screen, "Just wait!"

The screen flickered to life and zipped through several shots of trees and clouds before zooming to a picture of a large class room. Sasuke scanned the room with narrowed eyes for the familiar midnight tinted hair before finding his charge nestled near the corner of the screen. She was sitting contentedly in her seat; a book opened in front of her and her face (not cutely he reminded himself) was scrunched up in concentration. She flipped through another page or so, before he noticed how she rigid she kept her eyes to textbook, as if she was struggling to keep them away from something, or someone. He glanced through the screen over the faces of her classmates. Her two companions from before were also in the picture, sitting two seats behind her own desk. The dark haired one was reading, but another book from Hinata's, and the brown haired boy was sitting not in his seat, but on his desk, laughing loudly with a juice box in his hand. He was talking to two other students it seemed, one whose head looked suspiciously like a pineapple and held a bored expression that even Sasuke couldn't match and another, larger boy with long shaggy red hair. He was munching on the three bags of chips he cradled in the crook of his arm, and grinned wildly at something the pineapple-head said. Off to the side, Sasuke noted several girls huddled close to one another, each giggling with overly sweet voices and fluttering darkened eyelashes at several glancing boys. Two he observed were particularly loud, and overly giddy, he cringed. There were other groups of students clustered together at several points in the class room but none seemed threatening or enough of an interest to unsettle Sasuke. He brought his eyes back to the girl who was unknowingly the root of his annoyance and glared darkly. Not that he expected her to know of it, but it was the safest outlet for him to convey his irritation- well safest for the furniture anyways.

He was about to turn to the old man and question him again when a loud noise tore his eyes from his charge to the left of the screen where a loud, exuberant blond bounced into the classroom. Sasuke felt his temple pulsed as he took in the new arrival's appearance. The blond was smiling with the biggest grin Sasuke had known to be humanly possible, and wiggled his eyebrows towards a fuming man to his right who Sasuke could only guess to be the idiot's poor teacher. The guy almost looked like he was about to suffer a heart attack, or ate a really, really spicy pepper.

"Na-ru-to!" The dark haired man huffed and angrily exaggerated each syllable as he launched a marker straight towards the boy's direction.

Naruto ducked, knocking over several chairs in the process and proceeded to jump on top of another desk when two more markers zipped passed him. "Na, na, na, na, na!" he wagged his tongue at the teacher and waved his hands in the air with glee, "You will never catch me Iruka-sensei!" he pointed to the teacher and grinned. He was about to holler again when the eraser smacked him squarely in the nose. Sasuke snorted amusedly, _he had it coming_.

"Naruto! " The teacher, Sasuke assumed was Iruka-sensei from the way the dobe addressed him, smiled darkly. The blonde got up hazily, and sweat-dropped as he registered the sly grin on Iruka-sensei's face. "I'm going to send you straight to Tsunade!"

Immediately, Naruto's face drained of color and Sasuke almost laughed at the way he sputtered incoherently, but of course, he was Sasuke Uchiha- angel extraordinaire- and Sasuke Uchiha did not laugh. So he settled for a muffled chuckle.

"Y-you can't! That old hag is going to kill me!"

Iruka grinned dangerously and Naruto shuddered at the evil smirk, "Well maybe you should have thought of that _before_ you painted the school statue!" Sasuke begrudgingly admitted that the man knew how to smirk.

Grinning tightly, Naruto gave a weak but hopeful sheepish laugh, "Well I thought it needed some spice, ya know?"

Iruka nodded, "I'm sure Tsunade will understand of your completely considerate and thoughtful actions".

Sasuke almost choked when the blond stared at the teacher with a look of pure trepidation. "B-but", he stammered, his face still pale and contrasted funnily with the iridescently bright hair and ghastly orange (orange!) shirt he wore beneath the white collar of his uniform. He was about to smirk when he heard a small gasp of concern in the background of laughter. Turning his trained eyes to the girl, he saw her stare animatedly at the blond, a blush was apparent over the canvas of her skin. Hn. She widened her eyes in concerned as the dobe dejectedly stalked out of the room, though not before turning back and giving the class a large saucy wink of course, a gesture that Sasuke noticed drew another coat of dusty pink over her face.

Ah…So the girl liked the blond.

Hn.

He shook off the observation; this was none of his business. Sighing, (for the 1248th time since he was inducted to the mission), Sasuke turned back to his grinning, cheeky pain in the ass torturer. "So…?" he drawled.

The Hokage echoed back, "soo…"

Tired of playing games, he wanted straight answers after all, Sasuke mustered the darkest glare he could and aimed it at the old man. Breaking furniture was not an option, he reminded himself. _Besides it could be worse_…he hoped.

Breaking his smile into a full-blown grin, the Hokage leaned back into the leather chair and stroked his beard thoughtfully.

Silence.

He waited for another minute before he spoke. He didn't want his best angel to die of frustration…

…yet.

"You, Sasuke Uchiha, is to ensure that the girl", he paused slow enough to wave his arms over the monitor at the blushing girl, "will have her affections returned by him" this time he pointed to a boy with the obnoxiously bright tinge of orange blond hair.

"…."

The Hokage grinned as the saw his words slowly settled into Sasuke's head.

Sasuke felt another blood vessel implode.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" It took all of Sasuke's willpower not to stomp his foot like an irritated child. Instead, he settled for a small (but nevertheless menacing) pout and dug his hands deeper into the pocket of his jeans. He was not going to break the desk…he was going to break every fucking object he could get his hands on.

"Now, now, Sasuke. Language." The man in front of him amusedly reprimanded, his finger wagging in front of him as he clucked his tongue. He only beamed brighter when Sasuke sent him another defiant glower.

"Why can't you assign someone else?" Sasuke almost hissed at his tone. He didn't mean to sound whiny, but fuck it he was **not** going to play matchmaker!

The Hokage shrugged, "All of our best angels already received their assignments. Besides her last angel is in recuperation, and you are the only one who we can trust to finish this job".

"But she's so-so normal." He couldn't help but emphasize the last word.

Frowning thoughtfully, the Hokage informed him with a mysterious gleam in his glassy eyes, "There's more to her than meets the eye".

Sasuke merely grunted. This can't be that challenging of a task! He would rather find the damn cat again for bloody sakes. And why the hell was it even ranked as an S-classed mission? Ignoring his superior, Sasuke gave the man a fierce glare. "Why do I have to babysit some stupid girl?"

"Whoever said babysit?" the Hokage smiled, almost predatorily, "All you have to do is make sure that he falls for her".

Sasuke could practically feel the old man's grin radiate towards him. Stupid damn gramps. "Like hell I'm playing matchmaker!"

The Hokage grinned wider.

"Actually, I think the term is cupid."

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah…

First of all, this is an Angel fic (somewhat), but it's hardly religious. Mostly the focus will be more on the characters than on any philosophical or theological discussions. So, if it offends you, I'm very sorry. This is something I wrote for your entertainment, and not meant to be offensive to any religion or faith at all. If it seems that way, I apologize, but that wasn't my intentions.

I'll explain several terms and names in the Author's notes. There'll probably be better explanations in the story later on, but I think that a practical foundation helps push the story in the right direction. If there is a new term or name, it will probably be explained down here. If not, it's most likely a surprise.

1. **Hokage:** The leader of the Angels; in charged with overseeing the missions on Earth.

2. Missions in heaven are still classified according to canon Naruto universe.

~ I.e. D-ranked is lowest. Then C-ranked. B-ranked and A-ranked are considered high ranked. S-rank missions are the most special and only given to highly skilled angels. S-rank usually involves in fighting with _them_ or with other enemies of Heaven.

3. Rank is still the same as canon Naruto universe.

~ Genins are rookie angels who just graduated from Angel Academy. They mostly have tasks that involve working on Earth as volunteers and go around doing menial good deeds. Once they have enough experience, they are promoted to Chunin and mostly take assignments like guarding low profile humans. Jonins are higher ranked and usually guard charges that have big influences in the human world, like governors, Prime Ministers, etc. Anbu are the most elite angels, and they work mostly in tracking _them_.

4. _Them._ Yeah this is it. I refuse to reveal anything more.

Don't deny it, a Sasuke-cupid is just hilarious.

Oh… and most importantly: Thanks for reading!

~ ED-Bunny


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